1. Valentines’ Day candy tastes just as good if you’re single.
2. My goldfish has decided to go blond.
3. If you’re tutoring a reasonably good looking guy keep him away from your friends, at all costs.
4. If you can choose only one thing to bring with you into a first grade classroom take a Timex Ironman watch.
5. Just because my last name is common doesn’t make it any easier to remember.