Over the years I've heard a lot about how important an amazing first sentence is to a story, so when I heard that Brenda Drake was doing a blogfest about first sentences I decided I to at least give it a shot. Anyway, here is my offering.
Name: Aaron Lewis
Name: Aaron Lewis
Title: Entwined
Genre: Fantasy
Heart pounding, adrenalin surging I waited listening to the sound of fingers scrabbling frantically at the door.
Aaron
Heart pounding, adrenalin surging I waited listening to the sound of fingers scrabbling frantically at the door.
Aaron
3 comments:
I like your first line. I think it just needs to be tightened up a bit. A suggestion could be "My heart pounded at the sound of fingers scrabbling frantically at the door."
I get a good sense of the tension, but I agree that it could be tightened up a little. I think the way it's written now you lose some of the tension at the end.
It's certainly pulsing with tension, but I'd simplify, cut some of the modifiers. I always believe that less is more.
Perhaps something like:
The grasping sounds of fingers scrabbling at the door pushed my heart into my throat.
Good luck!
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