Monday, February 7, 2011

It Was a Dark and Stormy Blogfest Contest

Over the years I've heard a lot about how important an amazing first sentence is to a story, so when I heard that Brenda Drake was doing a blogfest about first sentences I decided I to at least give it a shot. Anyway, here is my offering.

Name: Aaron Lewis

Title: Entwined

Genre: Fantasy

Heart pounding, adrenalin surging I waited listening to the sound of fingers scrabbling frantically at the door.

Aaron

3 comments:

Cheree said...

I like your first line. I think it just needs to be tightened up a bit. A suggestion could be "My heart pounded at the sound of fingers scrabbling frantically at the door."

Jen said...

I get a good sense of the tension, but I agree that it could be tightened up a little. I think the way it's written now you lose some of the tension at the end.

Richard Levangie said...

It's certainly pulsing with tension, but I'd simplify, cut some of the modifiers. I always believe that less is more.

Perhaps something like:

The grasping sounds of fingers scrabbling at the door pushed my heart into my throat.

Good luck!